Fartabulous

Around the mid 90’s in a remote forest village, a visiting fluff of Farterions arrived unannounced and introduced a bizarre creation to the villagers: A fart board named Fartabulous. This long wooden board had holes all over it and, according to one of the visitors, when someone sat on it and farted, the farts would escape through the holes creating magical melodies of past farts that the board had heard. The villagers were fascinated yet confused, but couldn’t wait to give it a try.

Old Mrs. Fingerton, the village’s notorious gossip, was the first to sit on the board and squeeze out a loud fart. The fart board played a symphony of fart noises in response. Mrs. Fingerton cackled in delight at the performance and had to be forcibly removed from the object as she would not share it.

Next up was the village blacksmith, Mr. Ironballs. He was a bit hesitant, but eventually mustered the courage to try it out. As he farted, the fart board played a medley of bum trumpets and what sounded like a crackly harmonica. Mr. Ironballs was pleased and gave the board a thumbs up.

As the villagers took turns using the fart board, it quickly became the main talking point and over time, a ceremony after meals. People began to come from far and wide to visit the village and hear the musical farts. Some even claimed the fart board had healing powers. The villagers became so enamored with the fart board that they held farting contests to see who could produce the most impressive performance.

Mr. Ironballs became a regular at these contests and was eventually crowned the “Fart King” of the village, his diet of baked beans, eggs and steak, likely contributing to his success.

As the years went on, the amount of bum shots that the board had faced was beginning to show. Being a much-loved and integral part of village life, the villagers, determined to find a way to keep the board around, consulted with the Farterions when they next passed through the area and began experimenting with a process they called ‘fartification’. The fart board was not ready to be retired just yet.

They were advised by the Farterions that by performing a special blend of sequential farts and chanting in unison, that they could summon the power of the ‘Transfarters’. These mystical forces were said to have the ability to transmute objects into other forms for preservation.

And so, the villagers set to work. Following Mr. Ironballs diet for a full week, they then gathered around the fart board and began to chant and fart with all their might. At first, nothing seemed to be happening except for a growing smell of cooked eggs and some good laughs in between the mantra styled chanting. But as the farts and chanting reached a crescendo, a strange gas began to swirl around the board.

The villagers watched in amazement as the fart board began to shimmer and distort, as if it were being pulled and stretched in all directions and letting out incredibly tight and sharp farts with every contortion. A large green beam shot towards the heavens and then, in the blink of an eye, the board was gone, replaced by a physical mushroom shaped statue that shone with a bright, otherworldly light.

The villagers marveled at the transformation and knew that this symbol represented the new digital fart board. They named it Fartabulous. The legacy of Fartabulous lived on, along with some of the villagers best farts, now in the form of a digital masterpiece that could be enjoyed by all, and forever memorialized by the mystical status that now stands in the village.