The Fartron

The Fartron was a device created by a highly advanced alien race from the planet of Farteep. It was a marvel of technology, capable of producing a wide range of functions which always finished with a fart sound. A popular item among the planets natives, the Fartees, it was used for everything from entertainment to communication and the scouts took it with them everywhere on their missions. One day, however, the Fartron was accidentally left behind on a scouting mission to Earth. During a routine toilet break on a soil sampling mission in the woods close to the city limits, one of the Farteeps was startled by a human trekker and had to pinch it off quickly and run, also forgetting the Fartron.

The humans investigating the unusual smell and sounds of the Fartee running away came upon the Fartron and immediately took the device home to try and figure out what it was. They quickly learned how to operate the device and began using it to create all sorts of fart noises thinking it was just a fart machine. The device became a great source of amusement and became the centerpiece that this young group used to make viral videos on the internet. They did fear, however, that whatever had left the device behind, would surely be back for it.

Eventually, the Fartees realized their Farton was missing, and had to disguise themselves as humans in an attempt to ask for its return. Tracking down and arriving at the home where the device was being kept, they were met with some resistance. The humans were not willing to give up the device so easily, but within 5 minutes and after what seemed like a Jedi mind trick, the humans proposed a series of games in order to determine its ownership.

The Fartee who performed the mind trick and was unguided without the Fartron made an error of judgement. They needed their Fartron to fart like champions, as their anatomy was not well designed to be able to compete at a human level farting event.

The first game was a Fartathon, in which the humans and aliens took turns at trying to produce the longest, loudest fart. The humans emerged victorious, thanks to their love of beans, broccoli, pizza and their ability to hold in their farts for extended periods of time. They had been holding back some beauties for a time like this. The Fartees on the other hand, were left in the dust as their farts were short and quiet, but smelt awful.

Dr. Hugh Janis, a senior citizen and avid Fartron defender, managed to set the record for the longest continuous fart with a whopping two minutes and twenty-seven seconds of nonstop farting.

The second game was Fart Target, in which the humans and Fartees had to use their farts to perform various tasks, such as popping balloons, blowing out candles, and breaking open a magic piñata. The humans won again, thanks to their natural talent and years of practice. The local school principle Mr Stiffy, managed to pop all three of his balloons with a single, well-aimed fart. Once again the Fartees struggled to keep their farts under control, with many of them veering off course and hitting objects and people not involved in the game. Medics on the scene treated the injured with ventilators and cold tea.

During all of the commotion young Ben Dover managed to successfully hula hoop for an entire minute while farting The Star-Spangled Banner. This rubbed it in the faces of the Fartees who were beginning to show signs of defeat.

A third and final game, Fartune, took place in which the humans and Fartees had to create a musical performance using only their farts. The humans already had a group from New York called The Fartisticones. Performing a flawless cover of Bohemian Rhapsody, complete with vocal harmonies and a screaming guitar solo all achieved through the use of well-timed farts, they took out first place in style.

Victorious, the humans were declared the rightful owners of the Fartron. The aliens were gracious in defeat and returned to their planet, vowing to one day challenge the humans again. One of the hikers who had found the device, decided to make a digital replica and publish it here, with his own, real fart recordings.